


Eidolon

by Bananas45



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Unhealthy Relationships, Unresolved Emotional Tension, that become healthier!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 03:59:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14845283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bananas45/pseuds/Bananas45
Summary: “Why?” Shane huffed, incredulous. “Because it’s nice. It’s nice that we’re in these fucking horrible situations and afterwards you’re all shaken and-and I can talk you down. You could freak yourself out reading a script and that was funny and then we started doing this properly but after the Sallie house I sorta knew this was...unhealthy-”“I hugged you for half an hour” Ryan muttered, shaking his head.“You also said never again” Shane smiled, tilting his head.“Yeah” Ryan conceded. “Look how well that turned out”After the Sorrel-weed mansion incident Ryan needs someone to talk to.





	Eidolon

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know...I just needed to write this after that episode...it's probably riddled with mistakes.

The funny thing is that from the second the entered that fucking mansion, Shane knew things would end badly. In that sense, he did always wonder if he had some kind of third eye or sixth sense. He didn’t though, he just knew Ryan Bergara too well. He knew from the second he ‘saw’ whatever he saw in that house last night that they’d end up where they were just now; in their hotel at two am with a flight at six, Shane in bed and someone frantically knocking at the door. He lay and contemplated just ignoring it for once but the knocking was getting harder and harder until he knew if he didn’t answer, some poor soul in the next room would. He prayed, prayed, Ryan had only locked himself out his room and hadn’t convinced himself he’d been locked out his room by something. He opened the door and Ryan made that face, that ‘You have no fucking idea how I feel, I know I look stupid, please hear me out’ look that somehow made him look closer to a nervous puppy than anything that demanded to be heard.  
“This better be good” Shane said, leaning against the door but somehow still laughing. He couldn’t quite bring himself to be angry at Ryan, especially not when he looked so genuinely shaken.  
“It’s probably nothing-” Ryan said, a little defensive mechanism he always seemed to use- because this really wasn’t the first time he had done this post investigation- and Shane knew that glassy eyed look all too well.  
“You know, for someone who wants to find ghosts. You spend a lot of time telling yourself they don’t exist.” Shane raised his eyebrows, let them waggle for a moment, trying in vain to lighten the mood. The lights in the hallway flickered and for a moment Shane thought he actually saw Ryan’s heart try to leap out his chest.  
“They’ve been doing that all night” He said softly.  
“They have?” Ryan asked, taking a second to blink over the huge expanse of his wide eyes. Shane nodded. “Oh thank god”  
“So” Shane closed his eyes, as the brightness of the hall began to assault him. “What’s up”  
“No It’s” Ryan tried and then sighed. “It’s me. Not the ghosts-”  
“Are you breaking up with the ghosts?!” Shane barked, jaw dropping.  
“What? No!” Ryan laughed a little but that tense look didn’t move off, if anything it seemed to grow. “No...I’m just seeing things because I saw something and because I saw something” he looked up “And I did see something” Shane let his lip quirk down to show his doubt. “I can’t properly rationalise that it’s just my imagination...Because I don’t know if it is anymore?”  
“Ryan” Shane said, gentle and teasing. “I get it-”  
“No you don’t” Ryan laughed, pointing a finger and laughing harder even if it was only to hide his frustration.  
“No, you’re right, I don’t” Shane shrugged. “But I get you, I think. I get that you’ve worked yourself into some kind of frenzy-”  
Ryan gave him a look, erring dangerously close to pissed off. “Don’t say it like I’m some fucking child”  
Shane clenched his jaw, tilting his head back against the door frame. “What do you want me to say it like Ryan? It’s two am in a Hilton in Savannah, It doesn’t get any less haunted than that-”  
“I know that!” Ryan shouted and they both winced at how loud it was. “I know that” he lowered his voice. “And that’s why this is so annoying but you don’t know what it’s like, Shane. Like, I feel sick with fear sometimes and I know it’s stupid and nothing but try and turn that sort of emotion off. It’s impossible and what’s worse-” Ryan stopped himself, like a car screeching to a stop to avoid a pedestrian.  
“What’s worse?” Shane prompted, leaning forward a little. Ryan blinked rapidly, tongue balanced on his teeth as he held his hand under his jaw. He shook his head.  
“You’ll laugh”  
“It’s in my nature” Shane said apologetically and realised with a feeling of dread that Ryan looked close to tears. “Hey, but I’m not evil. If it’s bothering you I wont” He tried, tripping over his own words because this was odd and rare and not just fear, something was actually bothering Ryan.  
“You’re the only thing that makes it better”  
Shane tried to rationalise that even if it made his heart skip a beat in a very odd way.  
“I’m... flattered” He said and Ryan shook his head, eyes falling to the floor like he’d been let down.  
“Shut up”  
“Hey” Shane said, as some kind of apology. “Let’s check out your room. Maybe there is something weird”  
Ryan’s eyes bolted up like Shane had just grown another head.  
“Alright” Ryan said softly. “If you’re sure. It’s probably nothing”  
They walked there in silence until Ryan, with a little exhale murmured.  
“I think I’m an addict”  
Shane let Ryan unlock the door and watched the genuine shake in his hands.  
“Oh yeah?” Shane asked, suddenly more than a little concerned.  
“Yeah” Ryan exhaled, switching on the lights before he could help himself. “I read about it. People get addicted to fear. Adrenaline a drug.”  
“I know” Shane said, unsure what else to say.  
“I don’t know though...Every Time I kick a fear, stop worrying, I just end up hunting something worse” Ryan frowned. “Just for the feeling I guess. It’s like when I calm down and don’t think I’m about to die, life isn’t as fun anymore”  
Shane just listened, as Ryan sat on the bed.  
“But this can’t be healthy...can it? I mean I don’t want to stop and I mean it, I really don’t want to stop and I love doing this with you and It’s fine when you’re there. It’s just -then I’m alone and I start to overthink things and see things and genuinely, Shane, people do get possesed and people do experience this sort of stuff and I really, really don’t wanna end up being one of those people.”  
“Yeah...” Shane murmured, eyes faraway. “Yeah, that would suck”  
“And even then if ghosts aren’t real then what the fuck am I seeing or feeling? What if me and all those people are just especially fucked up? Like a really acute type of madness. Sometimes I worry somethings wrong with me, like the mind is really powerful and if I’m convincing myself of all this stuff then it may as well be real” Ryan laughed, though it sounded a little hysterical. “Then I’m thinking well I’ll just convince myself Shane is the only thing that’ll help but then it’s like I feel fucking lost without you, Man and that’s equally as toxic, isn’t it?”  
There was silence and Ryan looked up, desperate now. “Can you say something, please?”  
Shane bit his lip and shifted an ankle over his leg, crossing his arms as he thought.  
“I feel like I’ve poured my heart out” Ryan laughed. “I’m worried I’ve...overstepped my mark” There was another pause “Shane you’re freaking me out”  
“Then only thing I worry about” Shane began, words calculated in that tone Shane used with him when he was unreasonable. “After doing these sorts of things.” he gesticulated vaguely. “Is how it affects you. I understand that it’s addictive, I feel that too, It’s fun and spooky-”  
“You actually think it’s spooky?” Ryan asked, voice shy.  
“Objectively spooky” Shane corrected. “Fuck...” Shane sighed, closing his eyes and feeling like an idiot for not noticing this sooner. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”  
“Things weren’t as bad, we weren’t finding anything and it was fun...if not a little frustrating” Ryan looked away, a little twitchy.  
“Because you weren’t getting your high?” Shane didn’t mean to sound as harsh as he did and Ryan flinched.  
“Yeah” He murmured, genuine. “Yeah actually...I guess I got my wish”  
Shane squeezed his eyes shut. “The worst part is- fuck- I know what you mean. I like you like this” He felt sickened by saying it out loud, after suppressing it for so long. “I like...I like that you need me, I guess. I don’t know. It makes me feel like shit.”  
“Why?” Ryan asked, his voice scratchy like he had smoked 50 a day for the last decade.  
“Why?” Shane huffed, incredulous. “Because it’s nice. It’s nice that we’re in these fucking horrible situations and afterwards you’re all shaken and-and I can talk you down. You could freak yourself out reading a script and that was funny and then we started doing this properly and after the Sallie house I sorta knew this was...unhealthy-”  
“I hugged you for half an hour” Ryan muttered, shaking his head.  
“You also said never again” Shane smiled, tilting his head.  
“Yeah” Ryan conceded. “Look how well that turned out”  
“Look, Ryan” Shane held out his hands. “I’m not your therapist. I love doing this but I don’t wanna make you have a nervous breakdown because I enjoy watching you come apart-”  
“Jesus Shane” Ryan breathed. “Don’t fucking say it like that-”  
“Because I love putting you back together. There is a horribly addictive feeling to knowing someone will come to you at three am with nowhere else to go” Shane tilted his head back to avoid the reaction and Ryan stared for a moment and then longer, jaw dropped. Shane felt fear sneak up his back, rejection maybe? He had just made himself sound deeply, deeply creepy. “Your ghost will probably head home after hearing that little confession”  
Ryan laughed though it was empty, a little confused. Silence crept between them, like neither could really process what had been said.  
“I really saw something, Shane” Ryan whispered, full circle back to just wanting to be believed. Like what Shane had just confessed meant nothing.  
“I know you did” Shane said, swallowing anything else he wanted to say.  
“I feel better...A lot less scared” Ryan said, shaking out his arms. “just because you’re here”  
Shane ignored the rush of warmth those words created and uncrossed his arms instead.  
“But the second you leave I’ll be a mess again” Ryan laughed weakly. “Ah fuck”  
Shane crossed the room, like some kind of boundary that broke with every step he took before he sat down beside Ryan.  
“I feel, mildly, like this is my fault” Shane said gently, stepping on each word like someone treading on ice. “Like maybe... we have a dependency on each other that is...” He turned but Ryan was staring at him and just a little too close. He looked away again. “I don’t know but I should have stopped it”  
“No” Ryan sounded quietly horrified. “No. I’m an adult”  
“That’s debatable” Shane said with a yawn. Ryan hit his arm, turning to face him, legs crossed on the bed.  
“Do you” He stopped, raising his hands and swallowing like he was struggling with the words. They caught in his throat as Shane faced him and suddenly became much harder to say.  
“Do you wanna stop?”  
Suddenly, looking at Shane, eyes darting across his face- because they couldn’t keep staring when he was nervous- He couldn’t quite remember if the question was about Unsolved or them or whatever this weird feeling in his gut was.  
Shane swallowed, a strange benevolent look in his eye that made Ryan flush.  
“No, Ryan, I don’t”  
Their lips met, like someone pushed them together and Ryan gasped like he’d never been allowed to breath, hands grabbing Shane’s shirt like he’d fall with nothing to hold onto. Shane seemed gentler, less like he was starving- probably because he wasn’t filled to the brim with cortisol and dopamine- and he tilted Ryan’s mouth to push deeper, tongues twining. Shane’s hand, that had come to rest on his shoulder, thumb brushing his pulse, paused and he pulled away.  
“Your heart’s racing” he murmured, eyes still shut as Ryan trembled and dragged in breath.  
“Yeah. I know” He said, rolling his shoulders and shaking his head.  
“You’re not going to go into cardiac arrest if I kiss you again are you?” Shane’s laugh puffed softly against Ryan’s lips and it was so comforting it almost floored him.  
“Shut up, Shane” He whispered, smile pulling at his cheeks. They kissed and kissed again until Ryan found himself braced over Shane, hand’s either side of his face as Shane’s hands brushed up his sides. It was overwhelming, maybe because Ryan was already a little oversensitive and maybe because he’d sort of wanted this for too long? Everyone of Shane’s kisses, soft and undemanding and somehow still earth shattering, made the shake in Ryan’s arms ease and the pounding fear ease off until he was practically purring into Shane’s mouth.  
“Ryan” Shane whispered. “You’re falling asleep” it was said so tenderly that Ryan actually felt his heart melt.  
“Yeah I have to say” Ryan murmured. “You’re pretty good at talking me down”  
Shane laughed. “I didn’t do much talking”  
Ryan hummed a little, letting Shane run a hand down the his back.  
“I’ve wanted to do that for ages” Shane admitted. “I...Yeah, I really care about you, Ryan”  
Ryan sat up a little, just enough to look into Shane’s eyes.  
“Honestly?” Ryan asked.  
“Honestly” Shane blinked, face mostly unreadable but for the look in his eyes. It was fond and deep and to Ryan almost looked like love. They had just kissed. Kissed. Shane had kissed him. A tremor ran through him. Would this change things? Would this change everything?  
“You’re worrying” Shane said, not even a question.  
“Am not” Ryan said, defiant and slightly taken aback.  
“You are” Shane smiled. “I know you really well”  
Ryan stretched. “Only a little” eyes fluttering. “But I feel like I can actually sleep now...Which is nice”  
“Ryan” It sounded serious, even if it was filtered through a laugh. “I just want to say. Working with you and doing all this stuff- as dumb as it is- Is good wholesome fun and I lo-”  
And then the lamp went out and Ryan was on his feet with a cry of shock and already talking over him with that hysterical edge to his voice and Shane just slumped back and thought about throttling this fucking ghost.  
“I told you! That’s what’s happening! It’s a fucking touch lamp, Shane! I said there was something weird in this fucking room. Fuck”  
Shane smiled, smile turning to a grin and before he knew it he was laughing.  
“I swear to fucking god, Shane” Ryan said, smile in his voice but laced with fear.  
“Ryan, it’s a touch lamp. They do this all the time” He said, watching Ryan breath in, holding it and staring at the lamp like it would grow wings and attack him. “Ryan” He chided.  
“I’ve never seen a light do that” Ryan said.  
“What? Switch off?” Shane said in mock shock.  
“You know what I mean” Ryan said, voice tight.  
“They flicker all the time” Shane said matter of factly. “Ryan, they do. Come to bed”  
“How are you so calm?!” Ryan sounded frayed, voice like a barely restrained shriek.  
“Because I know it’s nothing--”  
“Stop laughing-”  
“I’m not!” Shane sat up, voice sardonic as he continued with a sigh. “If you’re the head and shoulders that Ryan saw in that spooky house then turn the light back on”  
The light came back on because of course it did and Shane would have been angry at this cock blocking ghost if he weren’t already laughing at how ridiculous this whole things was.  
“Ryan-”  
“Nope” Ryan said, grabbing his glasses and his phone.  
“Ryan, your bag” Shane managed through tears of laughter.  
“You can fucking get it” Ryan said, already halfway out the door.  
He caught up to Ryan just before he got in the elevator, holding it with a foot as he came in. Desperate to explain how touch lamps work but aware that 3.30 am was probably the wrong time for it. Instead he let Ryan hug him, still shaking after only just calming down, head tucked under Shane’s chin as Shane tried to stop the urge to pat him on the head.  
“We’re like ghost doctors” Shane said. “Always on call” There was a pause. “Ryan, It was nothing. A moth landing can switch off those lights”  
“I actually hate you” Ryan said, sighing shakily.  
“For bursting your little bubble?”  
Ryan gave him a glare and pouted to stop from smiling.  
“I don’t think you do hate me” Shane said, leaning on the railing. “I don’t think you do at all, Bergara”  
“No” Ryan said, defeated. “I don’t think I do at all either”


End file.
